This Blog Is About

This blog is about---You! Each and every post is about you. Use it to challenge your usual patterns, as a tool for self-discovery, to stimulate your thinking, to learn about yourself and to answer your questions about others.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

What It Takes

Primary requirement for a solid relationship

For a couple to feel satisfied and secure, for a marriage to be firm and enduring, there is, in my opinion, an essential requirement.  That condition is that both people are fully there.  Neither are reluctantly there.  Neither are only partly in it.  There is no sense of, "I'm here unless something better comes along"; there's no scanning the horizon for the greener grass on the other side of the fence, no roving eyes.  
Evaluation time is over; there's no longer any score keeping nor tallying of who has the better deal.

This position is deeper than commitment.  Somehow that word sometimes implies a discipline.  At this level, the decision has been made and is no longer pending.  It is experienced as a profound knowing of the one about the other and about oneself.
It can become a state that is beyond confidence and that imparts a sense of safety.  Doubts are rare.
If questions surface, they can be checked with the other, openly and honestly, simply and immediately and answered in the same manner.
This is a part of the foundation for a true partnership.  It usually takes time and experience to reach this state.  It is one of the blessings of consistent effort on individual, personal growth and  thoughtful, conscious attention, to the relationship
All in.

Are you in an all in relationship?  Will you write a little here about how that is?


  1. Amen Sister! A safe haven where you know without a doubt that there is no cheating, or as you put it "roving eyes". A place where your partner has seen you at your worst, whether it be sick, raging, crying and still wants to be with you. And a place where your partner has seen you shine and celebrates you. Now that is a gift! Happy St. Valentine's Day Paula!

  2. Thanks for sharing. Love is most certainly an act of the will and when I forget this my relationship suffers.

  3. I sent this to my friend. She is still on trial with her sig other. If she doesn't toe the line, he disappears for a few days. She thinks she'll lose him if she protests, so she suffers apart from him.

    She's tried talking to him but he says, "Don't be so dramatic." ...I hate that accusation when someone is trying to honestly share their feelings!


  4. PJ, Your friend is lucky to have you---just reading this short note, I can feel your concern for her.
    I wonder if my post about the pursuer-distancer cycle might also be helpful to her.

    1. I'll send that one too!