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This blog is about---You! Each and every post is about you. Use it to challenge your usual patterns, as a tool for self-discovery, to stimulate your thinking, to learn about yourself and to answer your questions about others.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Friends and Lovers

Joy in relationships

"One of the deepest pleasures is being truly seen, and loved anyway. 
And being seen in a false way---what could be lonelier?"
Author unknown

We all have  a  persona, (a Jungian term for how we present ourselves to the world).  We need this.  We can't go around exposed all the time to anyone and everyone. 
But with some people, those who are in your inner circle, , it is worth revealing your real self.  Why?  Because this opens the door to emotional intimacy.  This is an experience in life that is both exciting and peaceful at the same time.  It contains the feeling of true acceptance by the other as well as deep empathy on your own part.  
Actions such as those below, offered to a loved one, can put us on this path:  
  • authenticity
  • transparency
  • sincerity
  • openness
  • respect
  • warmth
  • prizing
  • concern 
  • liking
  • understanding  
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Both intensity and great comfort can be found in an emotionally intimate relationship.  The moment of emotional intimacy can be just that, a moment, or it can be a long exchange or, it can happen even in a time of no words, a time of only being in each other's presence.  It can be fun, funny or profoundly serious.                 
If you want to grow in this way, that is, in how close you are in your primary relationship or how deep your friendships are, you can begin considering taking off your mask with certain people.  Take note---we must be selective about whom we share with in this way.  Try to choose the people you open up to, carefully.  You want to share your inner self with others who will honor that, who will see it as a privilege, and who will also be honest with you. 

Have you felt either of these---popular for a false self or, conversely, loved for your true inner self?   I invite you to share your experience in the comment section.


  1. I mostly feel loved for my true self. If one word could describe me, it would be "unique." Everyone that I'm close to tells me how different I am from most people, and they value that. For many years, I thought that being unique was a negative thing, and so I tried to be like the general population. After failing miserably at that, I decided to radically accept myself no matter how different I may be.

  2. Hi Bama Psych. I am also a rare personality type. The only bad part is sometimes feeling misunderstood but, I also sometimes feel treasured by those who do recognize how my inner self is and love me for it. You might find it interesting to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator-it gives you your personality type according to Jungian theory.

  3. I'm definitely INTJ. I find these tests very interesting. I took the Meyers Briggs when I started taking classes towards my Psychology major. It's also neat to look at the personality types that are best suited for each other in romantic relationships and also in a career (although I'm mismatched in both lol).

  4. My husband is an INTJ! He's a total weirdo. It's the rarest of the personality types! I am an ENFJ.

    Paula, what are you? This is the only blog I read where the caring for readers comes across so strongly! It's a gift.


    1. Anonymous, Thank you for this sweet note. I feel understood (yep, I need that too).
      Since you asked, I am INFJ---that probably explains our sympatico!
      Another personality type system that is interesting (altho I like Jung's the best) is The Enneagram.