This Blog Is About

This blog is about---You! Each and every post is about you. Use it to challenge your usual patterns, as a tool for self-discovery, to stimulate your thinking, to learn about yourself and to answer your questions about others.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Best You

                                                    Another way to become more you.

 How do you experience yourself in relationship with the others in your life?  Today one of my patients said in passing:  "He brings out the best in me."  This caught my attention and triggered a reexamination of something I have thought about before.  It is about how we interact with each other person who is in our life.  Have you noticed that there is a difference?  You may see that you experience yourself differently in each relationship.  It is probably the interaction, the dynamic between you and the other(s). (That's often referred to as "the chemistry" between you.)  But, for now, to keep it more easily visible, more clear, let's limit ourselves to the individual influence.  Do you see how each person brings out a different part (or parts) of you?  Or, perhaps first, it would be easier to look at the most obvious examples.  Is there someone with whom you are almost always playful?  Do you kind of light up inside around that person, feel free, in the moment, and willing to say and react to, silly things?
How about someone with whom you feel really relaxed, unpretentious, able to just be yourself?
The opposite of that one, of course, is the individual with whom you feel some vague pressure, like there is something you should be doing better or differently.
Is there someone in your life who brings out your highest self?  Your ideal self?  Your freshest, most newly developed parts?  Or, who, maybe seems to be able to provide some kind of holding relationship that allows you to grow, to try new good ideas or behaviors?  (How do they do that?)
Do you have a person with whom you feel truly safe, secure, unthreatened?
Are you always a little bit on edge with a certain person in your life?

It seems like it might be worth considering this:  Should you try to hang out with those who bring out the best in you?
This might be something you'd like to do but, first, you have to figure out what the best you is!  You could start by just paying some conscious attention to how you experience yourself, how you feel, in the presence of each person you now have in your life.  Just interact naturally, as you normally would.  But, separate out a little part of your awareness to just observe.

You may have noticed these things in passing, or not at all.  In any case, to make a little project of this for yourself should interesting, possibly even compelling.

Another post on a related topic is titled:  The Geography of Your Friendships


  1. Isn't it interesting how many of us give credit or power to the person we are with for "bringing our the best or worst" in us... Isn't it more fitting to look at what parts of us we allow to be expressed when in that person's company... I know so much is language, but words have power, and we are always giving our power away. I think it's important to look at how we need to stay centered and conscious to decide how we'll behave or respond with different people and in different circumstances so that we can be taking care of ourselves "for our greater good"...

  2. Hi Loren, What a good reminder-for us to try to make conscious choices, for ourselves-in all circumstances.