This Blog Is About

This blog is about---You! Each and every post is about you. Use it to challenge your usual patterns, as a tool for self-discovery, to stimulate your thinking, to learn about yourself and to answer your questions about others.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Your Self-Editor

Here's another way you can improve your relations with others.

The Dalai Lama is repeatedly exhorting us to be kind to each other.  Why does he have to say this over and over?  It seems like if we don't self-edit, any of us can be suddenly sorry about what was just said.
Personally I don't do that on purpose.  But, sometimes some unfortunate remark escapes from me and when I see it land, I am full of instant regret.  Yes, we all slip.  Why does that happen?  It's just the frustrations, or fatigue, or disappointment that we have absorbed, being released.

The problem is, it sometimes gets released on a person; they are innocent and suddenly they feel the sting.  If it happens, all is not lost.  You can apologize.  You can attempt to make it up to the victim.  But, oh, wouldn't it be better if it didn't happen in the first place?  Ms. Flake has a helpful post toward that end:

Cheri Augustine Flake

"...I just wanted to share the wise words that I learned from one of my mentors that I like to teach to my clients. Try to consider the following before speaking (or, I guess, writing) anyone...about anything:

Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?

The answer to all three does not need to be 'yes' in order to express yourself, but just to have considered the questions before acting.

Mostly, I guess the lesson is, yes, think before you speak. But also, know that you don't have to say everything that you think.

Could you leave a conference knowing full well that you are "more" of an expert than the presenter without anyone else knowing it?

Or, could you listen to someone's account of their exciting trip to India and all of its glory without mentioning that you've been there 3 times before?

My husband is one of the smartest people I've ever met as well as the most humble. His closest friends don't know that he was Valedictorian of his class, or about his scholarships, degrees or honors. Even when people are speaking about topics of which I know he is an expert, he seems the most quiet.

I try model this behavior because I admire it. I mean, do people have to know all that I know???


Just my humble take on things...

Have a lovely week, y'all!"


Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
It would be interesting to hear your own stories related to this post.  (Comment)

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