Today I am writing to all of you with a very heavy heart. Paula’s daughter Adrienne and husband John have asked me to post this message as her friend and her colleague. This special place on the “net” where all of you came to know her was one of her greatest joys. She loved her work and was a dedicated Marriage and Family therapist for over 25 years. 

To our great sadness, Paula lost her struggle with an aggressive cancer on Sunday, August 4^th  2013.  However her lovely spirit lives online in “A Therapist’s Thoughts”. Paula was dedicated to  sharing her years of experience as a therapist and to providing people with this forum for supporting each other.  I quote from Paula’s own comment about her hope for this Blog.

“Primarily though, the intention of this blog is to provide a place for self-reflection and, also, to augment the process for anyone who is currently in therapy.”

She gave of her time freely here. She shared with us, she cared about us, and we felt it through her words. Her wisdom was ever-present. She frequently expressed her great joy and excitement over new visitors, commentary, and peaks in blog activity. Her inspiration for new posts was never-ending.

Paula cannot be replaced. Her soul has traveled on to other adventures and we are left with an empty space but with so much gratitude for having known her in this way. From my own perspective, Paula was a guiding light in my personal growth as a therapist and she was a loyal friend. There is no doubt in my mind that Paula Young was a “special” human being. Reading over the Blog postings makes me feel close to her again.

Paula’s final struggle was heroic and she chose to keep many details of her illness from others, I believe, to protect them. So don’t wonder too long why you may not have known how seriously ill she was. Paula would want us all to continue our lives in the best way we know how and to remember her as a wise and delightful personality. Please continue to post your thoughts and messages to each other as the family plans to leave the Blog active for awhile.

Carol Law 

From The Hospital

 Have you noticed I've been absent?

 I had to go to the emergency room about a month ago and was admitted from there to the hospital where I've been ever since.  I was diagnosed with kidney failure and am hoping to get well, to re-build my stamina, and return to my life as it was.  I the meantime, I won't be able to write new posts-at least, not for awhile.  I am squeezing this one out for those of you who have just been left wondering------ 'What happened to Paula?', for those new followers who thought they had found something for their own inspiration and then it may have seemed to semi-disappear, and for those who have been supporting me  so faithfully for so long as I have been building the blog.  I miss you!  And, you deserve an explanation.

~~~Thank you for your loyalty~~~

  
I do have a few posts I had written, before I got sick, which are in draft.  Would you like for me to publish those?
One is about anger and self-righteousness, one is about inviting new members, one is about the members we have, one is a link to someone else's idea of how to choose a therapist, one is about how the licensing process has changed during the time I have been a therapist.  Which of these would you like to read?  
I won't be able to create new material for you here until my energy improves. (much as I want to).  The other thing you can do is what Sebastian has been doing,  making it a quest to go into the archived posts and read all of those that interest him.  You can also still comment to me and to each other, on the posts (I will be reading what you write).
Above all, don't give up on me.  
Getting back to my blog development is one of my primary goals!

I'd love to see some notes from you right here in the comment section.

Question For You?

A question for members and readers who are or, who have been, in therapy

Our newest member, Michal has introduced herself and asked a question. It is in the comment section, on the post, Michal Has Joined Us.  If you are in therapy now or have been before, you may have some suggestions for her.  Thanks!

The Calling Cards of the Soul

How to activate your own transformation

 "Our medical and psychological problems, our complexes and relationship tangles, our accidents and synchronicities are the calling cards of our soul." 

 Ashok Bedi, M.D.

Part of healing and personal growth is dependent on listening to our own inner voice.  We will limit ourselves if we count entirely upon another human being-be it a doctor or a therapist-to do this for us, to us, or without our active participation.

 

Yet, it isn't always so easy to decipher that inner voice of guidance and wisdom.  So, to give ourselves the best opportunity at wellness and self-development, we have to listen for it.

  
How?  
~Paying attention to fleeting thoughts.  Those odd thoughts that  pass quickly through your mind at random moments that we tend to ignore, should not be ignored.  Instead, stop for just a minute and ask, why did I think that?

 ~When you are in the fortunate position of being with an attentive, sensitive therapist, let your feelings emerge, and put them together with your thoughts.

~If a relationship quandary comes up in your life, don't jump to conclusions; don't make assumptions about the other person and leave it at that.  Instead, ask yourself if there is something to be learned from the dilemma.

~An accident might be more than an accident.  Ever heard the phrase, 'accidentally-on-purpose'?  At the very least, an accident may have happened because you were preoccupied-so, what was so important that you didn't keep your eyes on the road, or forgot to pick up your child after school, sent a damning e-mail to the wrong person or any of many other accidents one can have.  When it happens, take just a moment to introspect, look into it.  Why did that happen?

~Synchronicity is a fascinating concept introduced by Carl Jung which identifies the coming together of three unrelated things (actions, object, people) which, when together at a particular moment in time, have meaning.  If that ever happens to you, don't cheat yourself.  If you shrug it off as a simple coincidence, you will have missed an opportunity.

There you have it,  5 ways that you can facilitate your own personal growth.
You can  search under the label, psychotherapy, for more about personal growth. 

Have you noticed any of these experiences or used any of these techniques where they have led to insight?

Michal Has Joined Us

About self-actualization

 When you join this blog,you are joining a group of people who regularly expose themselves to helpful, encouraging information.  Here can be found growth-provoking suggestions, guidance for new ways to cope with difficult things, and inspiration.  

Many readers have asked for a look at the inner workings of the therapist and I have responded to that and will if more interest is expressed.  Primarily though, the intention of this blog is to provide a place for self-reflection and, also, to augment the process for anyone who is currently in therapy.

Each of you, who is bent on improving yourself and your relationships, will naturally contribute to a better world.

"butterfly effect - the phenomenon whereby a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere, e.g., a butterfly flapping its wings in Rio de Janeiro might change the weather in Chicago"

 Welcome, Michal!

Our New Member, MiLo

Welcome to MiLo who came on board today

This is a  picture that I took of a display I saw in the Hyatt Regency in San Francisco.  I chose it to illustrate MiLo's welcome post because of the eggs, so beautifully and painstakingly decorated.  

Eggs are some times seen as a symbol of potential or a container of possibility.  
This is what this blog is for all of us, a place to help each of us reach our potential, and a place to stimulate the possibilities for all of us.
Welcome MiLo!  I am so glad to have you.

Thanks!

I want to recognize the contribution of those supporting this blog

~Your donations are appreciated.~
 
 At this point, there have been a number of donations by you, the readers and you the members of the blog.
I do this blog as a gift.  I feel I have been privileged to come from a family that encouraged education.  I feel honored by all the people who have come to my practice and trusted me with their most personal concerns.  Because of these 2 things (well, I also have done a lot of hard work for a long time---got to give myself credit!), I have a tremendous inner resource. 
Look at how much I have written---and, still going strong!

This blog is my offering but it is so heartwarming to me when I receive a donation.  I can do a whole lot on my own steam but I need encouragement just like anyone else.  So, thank you for your contributions.

This blog shows a lot of promise.

This is a user supported blog.

Gladly Announcing a New Member to the Blog

I

 It's a pleasure to introduce our newest member.

Welcome, Sebastian!

Your Advice, Please

Looking for your thoughts and suggestions

Dear Readers,  Something has been coming up here on the blog and I would like your ideas about what to do.  The problem is that visitors are putting advertising for their business/product sales/websites on the comment sections.  This began happening about 6 months ago.  

What I have been doing is removing them if they are blatant or, if they are quiet and subtle enough, I leave them there.  Lately, I have had some with links put on (I don't even know how they did that...!) and some sell jobs that are repeated on 3, to as many as 6, posts.

If it were a member I would feel like helping out since I have been trying to create a friendly, generous venue here.  Even then though, I would wish that the offering would be in context.

What bothers me most about it is the work I put in here, only to have someone come along and hitch a free ride!  This is not in  line with my feeling and intention about doing this.  The other thing is that I have made a commitment, which I have also discussed with you, my readers, to write this blog with no advertising on it.  This was decided when I put up the donation button---some of you who have been following for some time may remember that.

So, you can see the the quandary there:  I have given up the subsidization that advertising might provide me in order to avoid compromising the integrity of the blog.   So, it kind of rubs me the wrong way to have advertising appearing anyway, advertising that doesn't benefit me.

I am in favor of sharing information and of helping; does this situation align with those efforts?  Or am I just being used and allowing an annoyance to effect my readers?  

I am asking for your feedback.