Meditation

Happiness

In the post of February 29, 2010, titled, How's The Fit Re-visited #4, I wrote about how you have some degree of choice about the personal characteristics you wish to develop in yourself.  In studies done on the healthy personality, it turns out that happiness is not so dependent on external circumstances as it might seem.  They only account for about 15% of a person's sense of well-being.  External circumstances such as, age, income, gender or education are not as strongly correlated with a good life experience as is personality!
So, what are the traits associated with life satisfaction?  Who's happy?
There is a group of traits which may be recognized as assertiveness or "agency".  These are:  independence, self-confidence, and decisiveness.
Other helpful characteristics are:
~Optimism and positive perceptions and expectations
~Self-esteem
~Sociability and a pleasant demeanor
~Confidence in ability to accomplish goals important to you
Personality is a strong predictor of life satisfaction.  If you want to be happy, try growing and nurturing some of these traits in yourself.

 (credit:  Subjective Well-Being and Healthy Personality by Continuing Psychology Education)

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Doing Something About It

Tonight my Feldenkrais teacher said:  "If you're not aware of it, you can't do anything about it."
Her statement struck me as being, besides a way to encourage her students to develop their kinesthetic sense, another way to say - observe yourself.  In the post Seeing Your Self, I proposed the idea of making self-observation a habit.  http://therapiststhoughts.blogspot.com/2010/03/seeing-your-self.html

Occasionally in therapy, a client will describe a problem, I will indicate that I understand it, then the client says, 'so, what do I do about it?'.  An easy answer, of course, is not what you want from a therapist.  If you are seeking formulaic solutions, a self-help book alone will offer that.  What therapy is for is discovering the best way for the individual you.  It provides the discipline of a regular time to focus on yourself and your particular concerns.  It includes a container of sorts--an office in which to formally conduct your self-exploration, but also a confidential container.  And then there is a person who joins you in your individual journey.

That's the therapy route; there are other paths to personal growth and creative problem solving.  But don't they all require being aware?

Do you have any comments about self-observation or developing your awareness?  Please share them!

The New Look

The talented graphic artist, Wrenay Charlton, who designed Adrienne Pao's beautiful website, changed the look of my blog from what it was to what it is, in one day.
Her skills and artistry are first-rate! She made my site unique within the confines of Google's pre-set templates---amazing.
Some of you who have been reading here for awhile and can really appreciate the change, I'd love to have your comments.
Even easier, vote on the poll in the upper right hand corner.
Yay Wrenay!

Seeing Your Self

Looking within

 Self-observation is key to personal growth.  That is the ability to stand outside yourself, outside your own experience and see, with objectivity, what you do.  I will give you two examples, one where the person has this capacity and is using it (it is sometimes referred to as "the observing ego") and another example of a person who has not developed this ability.

The first is about two parents having a conversation, discussing their grown child and her boyfriend.  In their conversation, they say nice things to each other about him.  After the talk ends, one parent is reflecting on it and realizes that, since they both know that their daughter is serious about this man and they love her, they are each trying to find things in him to admire and value; they are working at incorporating him into their family matrix.  This only became conscious after the fact, when the one parent saw in her mind, a mini re-play of that part of the exchange and recognized what they had been doing.

The second example is one of a person in late middle-age who feels lonely and disappointed.  Most of the people in his life who should be close to him, are not.  One after another, the people in his family and friend group have distanced themselves from him.  It isn't that he is a bad  person.  In fact, he does a lot of favors for others.  However, he has  problems of his own that infringe on his relationships:  He is moody and also, sometimes says insensitive, inappropriate, or harsh things to others.  As a result, his relatives and friends have learned to be guarded around him and the one thing he most longs for, closeness with others, eludes him.  However, he has never been inclined to wonder, since this seems to be a pattern in his life, if he, himself, might have anything to do with it.  He does not notice his own behavior.  He simply blames the other person or the circumstances and goes on, endlessly repeating the same mistake.

Sometimes questioning yourself can be a good thing.If you have an observing ego but haven't paid much attention to it, you might try to be more aware of those little observations of yourself when they come to mind.  You can develop this capacity with a little attention to it.

It is one way that you, yourself, can make your life better.
Have you been noticing what you are doing?
Do you perceive any patterns in your behavior?
Do you like what you see?
Is there something you'd want to change?   Are you learning about yourself?

Practical Problems

Therapy isn't only for intrapsychic or interpersonal problems.  Sometimes practical problems, which we all encounter every day, come up in a session.  It is especially useful to brainstorm with someone who knows you on a deep level yet is also objective about your life circumstances.  Therapists try  not to tell people what to do but, they can be very helpful in joining you in evaluating a conundrum and assisting you with finding your own solution.  This is best in an on-going therapy relationship where the therapist is already familiar with the shape of your individual life.  But, therapists usually have a highly developed evaluative function, a well-practiced ability to prioritize, and a willingness to listen carefully.  Therefore we can usually be of some help on a presenting problem even in an initial session.

It's not so much having a problem as it is identifying it and having a plan to solve it.

You and Art

As a reader of this blog, you are interested in psychology and probably appreciate art or, at least, are a person who enjoys visuals.  Of all the pictures I have put up, two have really resonated with you.  They are both by Adrienne Pao who is a professional photographer; there have been a number of comments to me about them:  They are both titled, Meditation.  If you haven't seen them yet and are curious, you can find them by scrolling back to "Older Posts" at the bottom of each page.   http://adriennepao.wordpress.com/
               

Ms Pao has exhibited internationally (Brazil, Canada, etc.), has had her work shown in several museums and has been published in The New York times, Marie Claire magazine and in a couple of books.  If you are one of the readers who enjoyed her work here, you can see more of it and see her latest doings by visiting her blog linked above.  She also has a website.

One of the series she is currently working on is about the Hawaiian culture; one photograph from that series is shown here.  A photograph from another series, the Dress Tents will be featured at an upcoming auction at The Academy of Art where she teaches fine arts photography.

Her beautifully done website and blog were created by graphic designer, Wrenay Charlton.  Here is how you can access Ms Charlton:  http://www.digitalcraftstudio.com

Note:  Ms Charlton's own website is currently unavailable; please check it later if you are interested in learning more about her work.

Dennis The Menace

By having the mischievous boy make the below statement, this cartoonist put a humorous twist to the idea we have been considering in posts about how your life fits you, how well do you know yourself and how you might like to change:

"The best thing you can do is to get very good at being you."  Ketcham