Success

From the essay by Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Success"

"To laugh often and love much, to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children;
to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived---this is to have succeeded."


(Dedicated to my friend Linda Schaeffer who just completed a magnificent career first as Director of an agency helping chemically dependent individuals and families and then designing and running a multi-aspect program assisting the elderly in Contra Costa County)

The Easy Way

Last night my Feldenkrais teacher instructed us to "...find the easiest way to do the movement."  Pose the question to your own body:  Is there an easier way that I can do this?
The highest level of this approach to life is the famous line from  Joseph Campbell:               "Follow your bliss."
Possibly the in-between of these two pieces of advice and the most doable is to try to accomplish, in as pleasant a way as possible, as many of the things you must as possible.
Example:  The other day I had a big load of work to do and then had appointments at my office.  It was a beautiful Spring day.  So I loaded up my laptop, all my work and then my camera went into the bag too.  I took the back road to the Peet's Coffee & Tea shop in Pinole.  As I went, I stopped along the way, parked for a minute on the side of that quiet road, and snapped a few pictures of the peaceful green hills.  When I got to Peet's, I got a nice espresso drink and did my work there.  When it was time, I went on to my office.  So I made a demanding morning into a time that contained, for me, some pleasure.
   What is the easiest way?  What is the most pleasurable way?  Which way will involve the least effort?  Questions asked to help guide us to use our bodies in a more efficient and healthy manner, struck me as rather more profound than just that.  What if we made it a habit to ask our self that question?  Here's a challenge:  See if you can accomplish, in a week, all that you usually would but in an easier fashion.  Find a way to do everything while making it less taxing.
   A common example is having a problem and worrying over it.  Isn't just having the problem enough??  How about disciplining yourself to focus on solving the problem and forbidding the worry part from being involved.
   A colleague once told me a story of a last-minute change in plans, imposed by another and completely unexpected, which robbed him of something he had been very much looking forward to.  After hearing the news, he hung up the phone and said to himself:  I am going to allow myself to be disappointed about this for 15 minutes.  After that, I will go on with my day.
An interesting idea I thought when I heard it---would take some self-discipline it seemed.  But!  It would be a lot easier and would afford the opportunity for other pleasures that day as well as leave room for him to 'follow his bliss' if he could.
   Getting tense in traffic has no effect on the amount of traffic there is, so, how can you relax yourself in that situation?  Make it more pleasant.
   Maybe you made a mistake with a friend, forgot a lunch date, stood them up!  Ohhh, terrible!  Well, really, does it have to be?  Maybe that person made the best of it.  And perhaps there's a way you can make up for it.  Mental self-punishment won't reverse time.  Make it easier:  Apologize a.s.a.p. and then demonstrate your real regret with something that shows that person they are, indeed, important to you.  End of story.
   Okay, enough of my examples, do you have some to share?

   Or, at least (if it's easier...!) tell us, if you decide to institute a practice of asking yourself the questions, how it goes.

Keeping Your Perspective

   Sometimes when I attend a presentation, as I did today, by another therapist, I get inspired.  This was about a very difficult case getting good results for the patient.  Not only is that a wonderful thing to hear about, but, it was the joy that the treating therapist felt which was so infectious.  She was quite clinical and straight-laced for 95% of her talk, then, toward the end, in the more informal question-answer period, her animation gave her away!  This was not about money, not about pride of accomplishment, it was the pure and simple joy of sharing a change for the better in another human being.  And I think that most of us, in the room, felt happy for him (the patient) and also, just excited to hear about good work being done.
   The point is, that there IS help out there, of all kinds.  There ARE good, qualified people in all fields --- professional and business.  Granted, you may "...have to kiss a lot of frogs." but, if you need assistance, be pro-active (this patient was) and find someone who can really help.
   The second point about this story is that, although most of us (who have skills to offer others) DO need to earn a living, there are other motivations besides earning money, like doing a good job or finding personal meaning in your work.  Maybe you can think of more and will share them with us in the comments section...
   Keeping our perspective is vital in these challenging times.  Some people are more beset with troubles than others, as always, but right now, many-many people, if not most people, are suffering a significant downturn economically.  That is an adjustment.  It requires re-prioritizing.
Keeping your perspective: ~ Find help, if you need it.
                                           ~Recognize you are facing change, unbidden, large and small.
                                           ~Have compassion for yourself.
                                           ~Stay in reality but, allow yourself to enjoy what IS good in your life.
                                           ~Avoid catastrophic thinking.
                                           ~Remember that others are in the same boat, you're not a lone victim.
                                           ~It's probably not your fault.  Most middle-class people have worked hard and are still.  They thought they were doing all the right things and then, the rug got pulled out from under them.
                                           ~Borrow coping strategies from your friends.  Since so many of us are struggling financially at this time, there are plenty of examples all around you to draw from.
                                           ~Offer a smile or a genuine compliment to someone else; maybe you'll get one someday and it will cheer you up.
                                           ~Again, maintain reality but you can still look for (even expect) good things to happen.
   Let me know how you are doing

Poll Results

First poll results:  New look of blog and posts on individual issues got the highest rating.  Photographs came in next.  Articles about relationships came in next and no one  wanted shorter posts.  Thanks for voting!

In A Nutshell

"For me this is a special place I have where I can come and say everything and anything---no holds barred and I won't be judged.  I will be listened to and get some good suggestions." Remember the "I lost 38# since I've been seeing you" patient? This was offered up this week as her experience/description of what therapy is to her.  It's a good, short and to the point statement.

I would add a few things. ~ A therapist listens to you in a different way from what usually happens with a friend or relative.  One of the most meaningful of those is that the therapist listens to what may be unsaid, what is beneath the surface.  The therapist does take in your words, the facts of the
matter, of course, but, at the same time, there is this attention to what might be the deeper significance for you.
~Attention is also something most of us are unable to get or give very well in our demanding, busy lives.  A therapist puts their own issues and other distractions to the side and focuses on you for 45 minutes.  Good attention, quality attention is something that happens in therapy.
~Also, a therapist is trying to get to know you.  This goes beyond not judging; it is trying to know the many aspects of a single individual and to understand how they function in that person.
~The therapist takes a position of trying to promote your own tendencies to grow, improve, do your life better, or make more beneficial choices more often.  She is scanning for signs of a wish to change or an idea for a new direction, or a potential insight about the person's past that might be helpful in influencing new behavior.
~The therapist tries to help you clarify your own thinking about whatever the conundrum is that you bring up.

These particular parts of what a therapist does for a patient afford the patient an experience, an experience that is different from what happens anywhere else.

"Stress Reducing Methods"

A very popular post was the one listing the depression management techniques a long-term patient had developed.  So, this is a similar sharing.  This, on "stress reducing methods" from a returning patient (one who did a course of therapy previously, felt resolved, time passed, now she has returned).

  Here's an individual who has had more than her share of stressors to contend with; widowed at a young age, a single-parent, working full-time, son's fiance paralyzed in an accident, has an industrial injury and a number of health problems.  She recently came back to see me after 10 years (tho' she kept in  touch during that time) due to work-related issues and extended family problems.

So, here is her list:
~Mild stretching several times a day.
~At work:  takes breaks, looks out the window, takes short walks down the hall, gets a drink of water, changes work tasks frequently to avoid too much repetition, no heavy lifting and very conscious to stay in an ergonomic position at all times.
~Taking short walks---appreciating nature.
~Spending time with my family and my friends.
~Relaxing with my animals who make me smile.
~Adding beauty to my environment; hung a blooming plant by the front entrance to my house; it makes me smile as I enter my home.
~Making a point of watching the TV shows that I especially enjoy.
~Completing deep breathing exercises, relaxation exercises, visualization techniques, meditation, and prayer.
~Listening to music I like.
~Staying connected to friends & family by phone & e-mail while also remembering to limit home computer use and phone time.
~Meeting friends occasionally for a relaxing lunch or dinner together.
~I tried massage but it didn't work for me.
~I also tried physical therapy and chiropractic treatment, neither of these were good for me.
~I have several close friends who allow me to vent my feelings when I am frustrated or depressed.
~I see a psychotherapist weekly for stress reduction and help with coping.
~I have it in mind to try acupuncture but haven't yet.

So, there you have it.  I changed very little.  Most of that is in her own words.  A valiant effort on her part, don't you think?

Will you adopt her list or perhaps generate one of your own?

Paying Attention

"The older I get, the more beautiful life becomes."
Frank Lloyd Wright

Happiness Note

You make me happy---by voting on the poll, reading my posts, checking the comment boxes and writing comments!
You encourage me <3
Thank you for your reciprocation and consistency!!

More On Happiness

A few notes on  happiness---ideas and how-to's

 Hedonics, the interdisciplinary field of the study of happiness, says, according to Mirka Knaster that it is folly to "..equate personal happiness with material gain."  To find happiness, she writes, we must "..broaden our pursuits beyond the acquisition of wealth and status...".  She offers Richard Layard's advice;  "Enjoy things as they are, without comparing yourself to others, and discover what truly makes you happy.  He encouraged us to tame our rat-race instinct and train ourselves---using, for example, cognitive therapy, education, and Buddhist meditation techniques---to live in a more balanced way, not simply driven by competition for status."

Meditation instructor, James Baraz, offers the following suggestions:
~writing about what the word joy means to you
~doing some form of physical movement, such as yoga, dance, or taking walks

~making a "nourishment list" of activities you enjoy, checking off those you do regularly and circling the ones that could be done more often       
~checking in with your "joy buddy", a kind of running-partner in the pursuit of happiness.
One of the major blocks to happiness is a sense of isolation.

I would add that savoring good things that are already present in your life can contribute to a feeling of satisfaction.  When you get a new carpet, why is it exciting only at first?  Why not still think 2 years later how wonderful it is to have that plush soft carpet under your feet?
How about reviewing your accomplishments?  It doesn't always have to be a new achievement that rings your bell.  You can feel proud and gratified by what you've done in the past.
Tell me, have you found ways to promote happiness in yourself?

Remember our previous client quote:  "We make our own happiness."
http://therapiststhoughts.blogspot.com/2011/04/making-your-own-happiness.html